Today in my city it’s stunningly beautiful; the weather is glorious, the sky is azure blue, the temperature is a delicious 24-degrees, life is good, happy and amazing.
This happiness, this feeling of safety, of knowing that the people I love are well and enjoying the sunshine too, that my city seems peaceful and purposeful, that it’s June and it’s summer, is a feeling so sublime I can hardly express it fully.
So not much can destroy this sublime feeling, except something kind of has.
I have been subjected to narcissist rage from my sister, who emailed me to vent her abuse at me. I had blocked her on google mail, but this afternoon after taking going out and enjoying the sunshine, I came back and checked my mails, and saw in the spam folder an email from her.
Of course I read it – stupid me! Stupid, stupid me.
She accused me of every sin under the sun, from not taking her calls, to refusing to engage with her these past six months, to refusing to go and see our mother, to all sorts of other stuff that can’t be put down here.
The rage was shocking. My husband told me not to react, not to answer.
‘She is tricking you,’ he said. ‘This is a narcissist’s trick, to get you to get back in contact with her, to make you so angry you’ll respond and she’ll have won.’
I wanted to email my sister back and put her straight: that I offered to talk to her six months ago, provided she talk properly to me, and that all of us siblings share duties to do with mum, and that she relinquish her Power of Attorney over our mother, in order that we all share the Power of Attorney – not that a Power of Attorney is needed – and that we all have a say in how our mother is supported in her final years.
I told her six months ago, that if she refused to treat me and my brother as equals – equal siblings – that I would not be able to talk to her anymore. I told her that I would not spend another year doing as I was told, supporting her in her every decision that benefits only her, and that I wanted every decision to be shared between us siblings – which is the normal and decent thing to do.
She has bullied and coerced my mother into so many awful situations and she makes decisions without consulting my siblings – my brother and our half-siblings and she and my mother are like lovers – it’s actually quite sick.
I just found this really interesting article on Psychology Today. Here’s the link. The bullet point list below is courtesy of the writer of this article, Mark Goulston M.D., F.A.P.A. – all credit to him for this article.
My sister ticks every single one of these points mentioned in Mark Goulston’s article. Scary huh?
- Control freaks
- Short fuses
- Low frustration tolerance
- Need to have the last word
- Unable to lose
- Won’t take “No” for an answer
- Quick to anger if you don’t accommodate them
- Quick to being aggressively defensive if you call them on any deficiency, fault or responsibility
- Can’t apologize or if do, can’t do it sincerely
- Rarely say, “Thank you” or “Congratulations”
- Don’t feel or demonstrate remorse
- Feel entitled to enthusiastic and appreciative approval, adoration, agreement and obedience
- Gloat in victory, sullen in defeat
- Quick to rage if you humiliate them
So, in this middle of this beautiful day I get this narcissistic rage from my sister where – as the scapegoat that I am – every last thing is my fault.
Her rage included false accusations and lies and red-hot untruths and projections of her own seedy world.
But it’s beautiful outside and my husband and I have finished work for the day and now we’re going to have a cup of tea and take a deep sigh of relief that we’re here, we’re alive, we’re healthy, we’re together, we can look at ourselves in the mirror and know that we do no one any harm, that we always help others, that we’re decent human beings and full of love for the world.
My nature walks help keep me calm and centred.
What do you do when the Narcissists in your life try to take a piece of you? How do you react? How do you cope?