Because being in a cold relationship with a bitter, nasty Narcissist all my life is my default position…..
That’s not to say I don’t have lovely people in my life. I do. But the default position of my self-esteem is that the awful Narcissist who gave birth to me is all I deserve.
And that’s not right.
I deserve a life full of opportunity, energy, personal success and love – AS DOES EVERYONE!
I don’t deserve to be silenced by a birth family of enablers who hold our Narcissistic mother on high as though she is the Goddess Supreme, as though she can do no wrong, as though she is faultless, blameless and the height of conversational excellence, warmth and caring, when SHE IS NOT!
There has been a pattern in my life through the decades; I often (read – very often) end up in one-sided relationships where I put myself out for this or that friend and they ‘repay’ me with nothing but coldness and lack of interest. And then our friendships peter out but not before I have done ‘everything’ to keep that friendship going. I have been the listening ear, the money-lender, the confidante, the go-to rent-a-crowd when no one else was available…..
And in the process I have exhausted myself to the point of depression and suicidal thoughts.
I suppose it’s called being a PEOPLE-PLEASER, and this ties in with having a Narcissist for a mother, and a narcissist for a sister and enablers all around me within the birth family.
Well, NO MORE. I have decided to pull back from friendships where there is this unequal balance and see what happens. I know what will happen. I will be alone. I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want my husband to be my only friend.
But I am optimistic. If I can cut out the Narcissists from my life I can become me again. Thoughts anyone?